Alice didn’t really go to Wonderland

Searching for answers… and some questions too

Citizen War Diary May 28, 2012 : from the ashes

Posted by recnamorcen99 on February 19, 2009

It’s been awhile since I put pen to paper. The depression has started to set in. This is the beginning of the end for me. I  have always believed in positive buoyancy of the human spirit. The fact that there exists a bird such as the phoenix leaves me with hope that someday the world will rise from these ashes – to take a fresh stride forward.

I search for heroes….. or let me put it quite succintly – one hero.

I’m too far gone to lay claim to that mantle. Yet – as Moses who led them to the promised land – but could not step there himself, i fight to keep my flock alive.

My flock comprises the 4 children across varying ages, orphans all. They have seen little peace, mostly horrors in one form or another. They are in the age groups of 5 to 13 years. Yet one look at them puts them in a higher age bracket.

Stress, malnutrition, hatred and that constant buzzing in the head will do that do any person.

They have questions which I try to answer from time to time. But their basic question of WHY…. i can never answer…. I don’t know why.

Still they live in hope that a hero will rise from the ashes and take them to another land, like he did in the town of Hamlin… blowing his pipe… leading all the children to a land of peace and plenty.


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Citizen War Diary May 8, 2012 : Descent

Posted by recnamorcen99 on January 3, 2009

Yes – we killed.
I killed for water, food , a bottle of old pepsi, a cigarette…. even the fact that I didn’t like the way the fella was looking at me. It was as simple as that.

I’d read books on devolution – even wondered how far a society could descend into chaos before the arresting wires caught it. I never figured on doing a bungee jump and have the rope come off midway. Yep – pretty scary stuff that.

I figured human nature had humanity as its bedrock. The lord of the flies jolted me a a kid. But then such thinhs never happened to us. We were never left abandoned on a tropical island. It always came to mind that If I minded my own business – things would well enough leave me by myself. But what do you do when they come lookign for you? When all they want is your flesh – because everything else has rotted away. When the will kill you because you are alve rather than something you said/did to affect them as a malefcator.

The more civilized we are – the farther we descend.

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Citizen War Diary April 28, 2012 : Maslows Hierarchy

Posted by recnamorcen99 on December 17, 2008

Nuclear winter arrives

Nuclear winter arrives

Three red cherries on the barren brush. Winter arrives early. Maybe it never ended.

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to move from being RICH one instant.. and WORTHLESS in the very next? Yes it happened in the past when stock markets crashed. But then there were signs. Signs that the trained brain could read and analyse.

This time the Elelctromagnetic pulse took everyone by surprise. We never thought they’d do it. But suddenly – one fizzle and we were back to the Stone age (or somewhat near it). All electronic data was wiped clean in an instant. All civilian and military electronics in the NCR and nearby areas ceased operation. We had shielded some of the hard military and economic sections  – but we never thought they’d up the ante and increase the payload. So from a 7% growth to an unrecordable number.

That’s how fast we went, our money went and there was worse to follow.

Suddenly we were hit with DEFLATION….. I was worth just that much paper money that I had on me. Gold was in the bank locker – inaccessible. I may have looked better – but was worth essentially the same as the beggar on the street.

Food riots followed!

Then there were water riots.

The Hindu Muslim issue cropped up from time to time and there were those riots too.

We did not know how to vent out, how to survive, so we killed.

It was a horror filled walk down Maslows hierarchy of needs…..

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Citizen war diary April 25, 2012 : Flashback

Posted by recnamorcen99 on December 15, 2008

I write this with a slightly stubbed out pencil. Lead is in short supply. In fact there’s a shortage of everything. I tried to get hold of some eggs today – a slightly moulded one which had the look of being preserved for far too long was all I could get. It cost me Ten bullets. The universal currency, is what will save your life – and take another’s.
The war began November 29, 2009.

Actually it had been going on for over 60 years with some bigger fist-fights in the middle. This time everyone had the bomb. So numerical superiority didn’t count for much. The time for a boxing match to be played by the Marquee of Queensbury’s rules was over.

I am not in politics. I am not with the army. I was in fact a businessman working with my Uncle in his business in the field of Medical Diagnostics. We manufactured HIV testing kits – it was the global killer then. Our motto was the preservation of human life and service to humanity, as we earned a comfortable existence for ourselves. Today I try to find life – wherever I can – but only for a conversation -I don’t feel the need to preserve anyone else’s.

Sabre rattling used to be a good sport in the olympics. I think they still have that every 4 years – but I can’t be sure. None of us really came to now the immediate cause of the war. There was no Archduke Ferdinand to assassinate, no Bay of Pigs and no great sociological divide either.

It was about two brothers who had partitioned their property in 1947 and were sworn to destroy each other – Meet Cain and Abel. Their ideologies were different and this was inevitable. Can’t live with each other – can’t live without.

India started the war – this time around, though one may claim that events across the border precipitated it.
We went across on 29-11, into Pakistan and Bangladesh. The Chinese came across on the 1st of December. Events moved very fast as we hit the Pakistani missile nuclear response systems and air force deployment systems. The operation was called “trishakti” – the third arm moving into Bangladesh to stabilize things there and prevent any incursion on that front. I don’t know what the Red Chinese called their attack – but it hit our northern and North Eastern defenses like a tsunami.

No one else came in. The Israelis wanted IN on our side – but their puppet masters held them back. The Americans, Europeans and the Russians watched.Their two biggest adversaries outdid each other in destroying themselves.

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Citizen war diary April 19, 2012 : Wedding blues

Posted by recnamorcen99 on December 15, 2008

Our 5th wedding anniversary

My wife always loved celebrations. She was the brightest star in my universe.
A bright flash – a nova!!

It must have been like the lights of heaven accompanied by the fires of hell. That one fleeting moment – captured it all. It took from me that last quantum of solace that I had available. It brought me down to my knees with my head bent down – wishing I had been with her.

I shudder to think of what happened. At least she did not have to feel the pain for more than an instant as the fireball engulfed millions. A million who died in an instant and more that followed with pain, anguished and melted skin. Generations will remember – if our memory can encompass so much.

I think that many writers tried to put this suffering into words. Most were adept at capturing the macro phenomenon of a nuclear fireball. I am but a solitary figure reaping the harvest of death of those around me.

The pain in the heart dims down like a battery without charge. One nudge and it feels like yesterday – we sat in this room, in this house – rented as it was – going through the rituals that signify a new marriage. We watched my sister get married here, my grandfather died here in the February of 2008. Our children came in in the end of 09 when the war was fresh.

There was fear, trepidation and hope that maybe something would resolve our differences before the world exploded. Maybe a war could solve things. I know otherwise, now!!

Happy Anniversary beloved!!

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CITIZEN WAR DIARY – April 15, 2012 (TODAY)

Posted by recnamorcen99 on December 13, 2008

It’s very easy to get depressed, the way things are. We were not always like this.
I was a cherubic , 30 year old bald man once with a lot of enthusiasm and qualified myself in the category of the brave and loving.
That was a time of plenty.

Today, I must stand in line, a long line – to get the basic foodstuffs. If they are available that is. The wretched have inherited this parched earth. There is a constant wind that whistles through the holes in the wall – courtesy a munition that went off track and exploded outside the house. They said LASER guided munitions never went off track and missed by very little. I guess this writer must be on their priority hit-list and the bomb missed by just that much.
They didn’t get me, but brought my life to an inflection point.
I lost my power of focus. Now I survive – I used to live.

I was an avid photographer. I was always on the prowl with my camera. All the pictures had been stored on my hard drives. I’d printed them out as required for my albums. That was all that was left. The ones on the hard drive had died there. The EMP from the blasts above New Delhi had fried all the electronics in a very large radius. Suffice it to say, no one but the military uses electronics now. There is in fact a peoples movement which shuns the use of anything but the implements from the stone age. They believe that technology was our downfall. A nation of a billion souls now operating at 70% effectiveness.

The whistling wind signals the arrival of the rain. It’s time to get indoors. The rain is dangerous and not many survive it. I take one last look around for the day. The sun is close to the end of its daily cycle and it’s time to shut shop and move inside to my solitary confinement armed with my trusty shotgun and enough ammunition to take out an army – if I survive that long that is.

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The Citizen War Diary – Apr 14,2012

Posted by recnamorcen99 on December 12, 2008

This is India – 2012.
I am her citizen. The name is Arjun.
I stand under the door frame of my house looking outwards towards the bleak and somewhat charred landscape. This was one of the biggest residential colonies once.
That “once” was not too far back – just a few years.
In 5 days we would have completed our 5th wedding anniversary.
I wonder if hope survive when you float and look for that last bit, that last twig to hold onto.
Nothing left for me to old onto here. Just the distant memories of what was and the feeling that maybe – things could have been different.

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Wishful Musings!!

Posted by recnamorcen99 on December 11, 2008

Between the devil and the deep blue sea

Between the devil and the deep blue sea

That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my religion… wine and women will do that!!

photofunia_661e1Want to be your superhero
Yeah I want to be your superhero
I want to be your superhero
Oh I want to be your superhero
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

img_2384I like beer ‘cos it is good
I drink beer because I should
If there was a song to sing
I sing it and beer you bring
I drink beer when I am sad
”cause the beer it makes me glad
Now there’s nothing left to say
So lets go drink beer

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Self Promotion

Posted by recnamorcen99 on December 11, 2008

I’ve been a firm believer in the adage that it is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Of course a lil nudge here and there also helps!
But the opportunities and temptation for self promotion are extremely high in today’s day and age.
I mean you have the WWW and all its accompaniments. There’s so much of me on the internet – that an INTERNET ADEPT person could find out a lot about me (if he/she wanted to that is)

The only thing that keeps us from looking is the high probability of an information overdose. Me – i love finding out stuff about folks I know.. kinda like a ferret (all within the legal boundaries though).

But i somehow frown upon self promotion…

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20 minutes too late!!

Posted by recnamorcen99 on December 10, 2008

I wonder what happens to those who take more than 20 minutes answering a heavy duty call of nature!!

They shall be punished…..

Sign outside a german toilet

Sign outside a german toilet

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